The Permission Slip Every Mum Needs

There is no right way to parent. There is only your way.

If you are reading this at 11pm after another long day, wondering if you are getting it right, this is the reminder you came looking for. You are doing a great job, especially on the really hard days.

Where the guilt actually comes from

Mum guilt is not a personal failing. It is the natural outcome of being handed a million decisions a day, watching them all be publicly judged, and being told from every direction that one wrong move will cause lasting damage to your child. ( I mean do we need another internet video telling us how we are damaging our baby’s brain, emotions, health etc).

Of course you feel guilty. You have been set up to.

Social media reinforces it. Well meaning advice piles on top. The algorithm serves you videos titled "the daily mistakes parents make that destroy your child emotionally" and you almost click because part of you is scared they might be right.

You don't need to click. You already know what kind of mum you are. One who is doing the best she can with what she has! Because isn’t that what we are all doing?

The truth that changes everything

There is no perfect way. There is no right way. There is only what works for you, your baby and your household.

Read that again. Because every single decision you make in parenting flows from this one truth. The sleep choice. The feeding choice. The screen choice. The childcare choice. The going back to work choice. The not going back to work choice.

There is no universal right answer. There is only your answer.

When you understand that, the guilt loses its grip. Because guilt needs a rule or expectation that you are failing to meet. Remove the rule, remove the expectation and the guilt has nothing to latch onto.

A practice for when the guilt creeps back in

Lisa Nichols has a practice that feels relevant here. She looks in the mirror and says:

I have nothing to hide. I have nothing to prove. I have nothing to defend. Now, who do I choose to be?

The last question is the one that matters because it puts the power back in your hands. You get to choose who you are and you get to choose how you parent. No defence required.

The permission slip

You are doing the best you can with what you have. That is enough. Honestly Mama, it is enough!

Lay the guilt down. Own your choices. And anyone who makes you feel differently, including the voice in your own head, can go elsewhere.

You are doing it your way. That is the whole point.

Want more letters like this?

I write to women every Friday at 11am. The letters are where I share my most raw and vulnerable experiences, lessons and always something practical you can use. We talk about parenting, ambition, AI, money, goals and the lives we actually want to live.

If that sounds like your kind of thing, join us. It's free, and it might be the best part of your Friday.

Common questions about Mum guilt

What is Mum guilt?

Mum guilt is the persistent feeling that you are not doing enough, not doing it right, or failing your child in some way. It shows up in everyday decisions like feeding, sleep, screen time, working, and not working. It is incredibly common, and it is not a sign that you are a bad mother. It is a sign that you care.

Why do I feel guilty as a Mum?

You feel guilty because you are handed an enormous number of decisions every day, all of which feel high stakes, many of which are publicly judged. Social media, well meaning advice, and your own internal voice all reinforce the idea that there is a right way to parent and you might be getting it wrong. The guilt is the natural outcome of being set up to feel that way.

Is Mum guilt normal?

Absolutely!! Most mothers experience it at some point, and many experience it daily. It does not mean something is wrong with you. It means you are paying attention and you care about doing right by your child.

How do I let go of Mum guilt?

Start with this truth: there is no right way to parent. There is only what works for you, your baby, and your household. Guilt needs a rule or expectation you are failing to meet. When you stop accepting universal rules about how parenting should look, the guilt loses its grip. A daily mirror practice (see the one above) can also help reset the inner voice that fuels it.

Can Mum guilt ever be useful?

Occasionally. If guilt is pointing you toward a real value you want to honour, it can prompt a useful change. But most of the time, Mum guilt is noise. It is reacting to imagined judgement, not real failure. The skill is learning to tell the difference.

Keep trying, keep doing your best. That is all any of us can do.